I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
