I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
