I think I am morally bankrupt
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
