you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
