i just google imaged poop.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize