Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
