I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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