she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
