All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
