I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
