I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
