it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
