My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
