yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
handjob tips. give me some.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are two peas in an std pod
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
