My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
