Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just high enough for therapy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
