my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
God, I missed his penis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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