I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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