If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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