Four minutes until I can fart!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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