We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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