He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
