I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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