We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize