If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they're like a gay fantastic four
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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