There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
