Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
