she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
