we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
