I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
