Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
