i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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