so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
