chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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