i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize