Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
