i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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