I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
