i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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