we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
