Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize