You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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