I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
