Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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