I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
