Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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