Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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