Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
