I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
