he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize