don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
