i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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