I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
