I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
