I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
