So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
