Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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