How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
