I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
