he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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