so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
