& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
