i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
