just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
