rhymes with "ouble enetration"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
