The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
