you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize