Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
