know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
