I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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