And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
