He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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