The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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