you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
