I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
