Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
