using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
