I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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