vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry about my life...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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