just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my poor anus
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
