I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize