Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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