yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
