No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
