Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
