just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
