Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
