ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My feet surprised me
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