Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize