I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Semen is not good for contacts.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
