I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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