oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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