do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
