When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
