would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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