i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize