My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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