I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
