I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
