i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
