What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
