So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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