What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
