Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
