what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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