I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
