but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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