Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
