I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
