READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
