I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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