I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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