wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
